There’s Nothing Worse Than Stale Pizza (Girl) - End of Week 5 at the Gym 3/23/19
It was bound to happen. Becca is always complimenting me on my attitude towards working out. Usually I’m pretty optimistic and I have a lot to be optimistic about. But there comes a time when even I run out of steam, where I am faced with the little presents from life, or just have all around blahs. Thursday the 21st was one such day.
For starters, I was coming off an unpleasant conversation with someone that left me disappointed, angry, and in disbelief. The subject matter happened to involve a child of mine, and when you feel like your child’s well-being or happiness is being disregarded by someone who should never disregard it, it’s tough to take. I had a few days to stew about the conversation and I would find myself shaking my head during the day in utter annoyance.
Secondly, my legs were so very sore. I don’t know what the deal was, I attribute it to a workout I did at home, and maybe the need for more supportive shoes. Whatever the case was, I was in pain from my hips down my legs to my feet. It made me crabby, and no amount of stretching seemed to help.
Thirdly, I was craving pizza like no one’s business. All I could think about was pepperoni pizza with a bottle of wine. I wanted cheesy queasy like I had never wanted a pizza pie in my life. I wanted the pieces cut in little squares. I wanted to just eat and eat and eat with abandon. I wanted a nice dry cabernet with a hint of oak, no sweet aftertaste and a huge glass I could swill it around in. I wanted to feel the way it caressed my tongue as it filled my mouth. It was driving me mad.
Fourthly, I had a low self-esteem day. LOGICALLY I know that this is working. I know that I’m becoming healthier. But I fell victim to my own negativity and started putting myself down. As I exited the locker room and went upstairs to meet with Becca, I saw my own reflection in the mirror. I noticed that my hips were still “too wide” for my liking, and my inner thighs were keeping each other company with each step. I saw my shortness; I saw my old ratty tee shirt and my two-year-old sneakers. I saw with disappointment that I’m still short and stout, and I’m no teapot so it wasn’t cute in my eyes.
By the time I got upstairs to see Becca, I was not in the greatest mood. She was her smiley self, and she asked me how I was doing. I told her I was just “Blah.” I mentioned the pain in my legs. She listened to me and with the eye contact she was giving me; I knew she was really hearing me, and I do believe she saw that my mind wasn’t in the best place. So, as only Becca the Big-Hearted could, she went over to her Becca’s Bad-Ass Baubles & Booty Band Drawer. I stood there thinking maybe I misread the understanding in her eyes, as she pulled out a device that looked like a power drill. Only where the drill bit should be, there was a soft bulbous looking attachment. She brought me over to the therapy tables and had me lay face down. She then proceeded to talk to me encouragingly as she started working the knots in my legs. I was seconds away from crying from her understanding and kindness, but I told myself that I couldn’t be that much of a hot mess at the gym.
She massaged my legs for a good 15 minutes and let me know we were still “going to move my body” that day, but she would take it somewhat easy on me. I wanted to sign the adoption papers right then and there. Becca could hyphenate her last name and add mine, I thought. I would even adopt her kids and her hubby could hang out too. I’d adopt them all. Before I got too carried away though, she brought me into the present with tips on getting through the bad days. She let me know that they are normal, and that many people quit by this time in the game. She told me that the first month is all exciting because it’s new, and we are motivated. Week 5 and 6 is when people start losing steam. She let me know that we would keep working out fun and not let it get boring. We would get through any plateaus and change things up if need be.
When our light workout was over, I thanked her and in a better mood, I got ready to go home. However, all the way home I could not get away from my pizza cravings, and I was actually scared I would end up stopping on the way. I kept driving though, and when I parked the car in the garage, I accepted the fact that it would be chicken breast for dinner. I’d put a sprinkling of cheese and some salsa on it, and I would be ok.
Just as I got on the elevator, a woman rushed in to ride up with me. Lo and behold, what was she carrying in her hands? A box of pizza, and on top of that, two bags of breadsticks. And there, tucked under her arm, was the tall brown paper bag that can only carry a bottle of wine. Seriously, this is a true story, I’m not even kidding. I pursed my lips and tried to keep from drooling onto the elevator floor. That ride up to the third floor was the longest elevator ride of my life what with the savory pizza aroma that filled up that tiny space in a huge hurry. But then the irony of the situation hit me, and I started smiling like a crazy person. I felt the laughter bubbling up inside me and by the time I got to my door I was laughing out loud.
I finished the evening by watching a few episodes of The Kindness Diaries on Netflix. It’s a real feel good show. This man travels the world without any money, relying on the kindness of others for the things he needs. Often times, it is the people who have nothing who give the most. In each episode, he gives back to someone who’s kindness has touched his heart in a deep way. The gratitude on their faces and the kindness in the world amongst even the poorest of individuals is overwhelming, and things in my own world were quickly put back in perspective.
Friends, we are so lucky to live in homes with running water. We have heat when we need it and air conditioning or working fans when we need to cool off. We have vehicles, and we have food in our bellies. We have education, and opportunities. If the worst part of my day was craving pizza and not being able to satisfy that craving, well.... I’m the luckiest woman in the world. I’m thankful for the fact that I CAN go work out at a gym. I’m thankful for the fact that I have all of my limbs to carry me to the gym on sunny days meant for a good walk. I’m thankful for music, for laughter, for friends. I’m thankful for the fact that I have love in my heart and people who give me love back. It’s better than anything else, and so I will continue on this journey of mine knowing that I’m blessed beyond measure.
Have a lovely week, and spread the love.